Worst day ever

July 14, 2010 was the worst day of mine and Brian's lives. We lost our twin boys that we were so excited about. They died at approximately 17 1/2 weeks gestation, which is about halfway to term. They are our precious little boys and always will be no matter where they are. We were fortunate enough to have nurses that took great care of us and that made a memory box for us to keep with photos of the babies and other mementos. I feel so lost and empty without them, but I feel that it is only fair that they be given some space on our family blog. I hope that sharing them will help me heal. My heart is in about a million pieces right now and it has two big holes that will never be filled. Charles Brian is the one on the left and Chad William is the one on the right. They were "born" on July 16, 2010 at St. Luke's Meridian Medical Center. I honestly cannot remember what time as I was crying so hard I don't remember much. They died from twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome which is why one is so pale and the other so dark. It only happens to identical twins that share the same placenta. A blood vessel develops between them that causes one twin to pass it's nutrients and blood to the other twin causing one to become anemic and the other to die from heart and kidney failure. There are treatments that can be tried but sadly, our boys were too young.

Brian and I loved on them as much as we could. They were so tiny and fragile. But, even so, it still took them nearly 30 hours to come out. I miss them horribly; we both do. We had so many hopes for them. So many things we wanted to be able to show them and share with them. All taken away in a moment.

Our lives will never be the same. We've been touched by our little angels, but never to comfort them when they cry or kiss away their hurts.

We had the boys cremated and plan to put their ashes in cremation jewelry. Each of us has picked out a pendant we like. We will be able to wear them close to our hearts forever, or at least until we meet again. Rest in peace little ones.